Lots of people think of lubricant as a rescue for when something isn't working. Plenty of couples whose sex life is going perfectly well use it too, simply because sex feels better with it. Less friction, same sensitivity. With toys and anal sex, it isn't optional at all.
The main difference between lubricants is the base. That decides how long it lasts, how it washes off and what it can be used with.
Water-based: if you only keep one at home
Water-based lubricants are compatible with every condom and every toy, don't stain the sheets and wash off with plain water. If you're not sure what to buy, buy this.
The downside is that they gradually absorb and dry out. When the gel starts to feel tacky, you don't have to reach for the bottle straight away. A few drops of water or saliva often bring the glide back.
It's worth checking the ingredients. Glycerin makes a gel slippery and slightly sweet, but it can make things worse for women prone to thrush. If that's you, look for a glycerin-free gel.
Silicone: lasts the longest
Silicone lubricant doesn't absorb into the skin, so it lasts much longer than water-based and even water won't wash it away. That's why it's popular for anal sex, long sessions and the shower. It's fine with latex condoms.
It has two weak spots. The first is silicone toys: silicone lube can damage their surface, leaving it dull and sticky. If you're not sure what a toy is made of, use a water-based gel, or try the silicone one on a small patch of the toy first. The second is purely practical. It's harder to wash out of sheets, and it makes a shower floor as slippery as ice.
To get it off your skin, use warm water and soap. Water alone won't do it.
Hybrid: somewhere in between
Hybrid gels have a water base with a smaller share of silicone. They're creamier, last longer than pure water-based gels and wash off more easily than silicone ones. Because of the silicone content, though, the same caution with silicone toys applies.
Oil: yes for massage, no with condoms
Oil, whether coconut, almond or massage oil, is great for massage and for using your hands. Never combine it with a latex condom, though. Latex loses its strength in oil within minutes, and the condom can tear without you noticing. The same goes for petroleum jelly and ordinary hand or body creams.
Oil isn't ideal inside the body either. It doesn't clear easily from the vagina and raises the risk of infection for some women. It's better to keep a separate massage oil for massage and a lubricant for sex.
Anal sex needs more, for longer
Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn't produce its own lubrication, so you need more lube and it needs to last. A silicone gel works well, or a thicker water-based anal lubricant if you're using a silicone toy.
It's best to avoid numbing gels. During anal sex, pain is a useful signal to slow down or add more lube. If you dull it, it's easy to miss a small tear.
Flavoured, warming and cooling
Flavoured lubricants are made mainly for oral sex. They usually contain sweeteners, so don't use them as your main lube for penetration. With warming and cooling gels, the rule is simple: a drop on a small area first, then the full amount. They feel much stronger on intimate skin than on your hand.
How much to use
More than you think. The most common mistake is two drops that disappear within a minute. Apply the gel to the body as well as to the condom or toy, and add more as it runs low. A pump bottle can be worked with one hand at that point. A tube with a screw cap can't.
One last detail: lubricant has a shelf life after opening, too. The packaging usually shows an open jar symbol with a number, such as 12M. That's how many months the gel stays good once opened. Old gel can change texture and cause irritation.
